.Fetish.

X♥I'll Cut The Words From Your Mouth♥X

Some A to Z-time-passer-thingy i stold from Ms.Hilda.:)


A
Alexander.My new and first nephew.One of the only babies i can stand and love.

B
Bastard asshole.The definition of many guys i've met.

C
Craigslist.I posted an add for temp.housing yesterday(until i find a job)and i got a reply just now:

Would you CONSIDER sharing a room & bed with a nice/sweet/gentle celibate guy, who wants cuddling (like an innocent teddy-bear) but truly doesn't want to share sex with anyone? I even have lesbian friend references!


(WTF!?!?!?! God.If he is celibate,why the hell would he want to share a bed? And 'cuddling' is more than just innocent half of the time...atleast when i do it...)

D
I would say De La Riva,my last name,but thats taking the easy way out so im going to say Deism.One of the only fucking things in this world that makes sense!!

E
Earth.Our planet.Our home.And one of the only places that opposing extremes can co-exist without everything being completely destroyed.There are so many people doing one thing,and other doing the complete opposite.Im truely surprised we are all still here and that we havent all killed eachother.That being said,we all need to help out more,this planet is fucking dying people!! And not even because of war or hate,it is dying because of random things we do everyday.WAKE UP THE FUCK UP PEOPLE!

F
"Fucking hell!" One of the phrases i like to use the most.:)

G
God,why did you create life just to abandon it?

H
Henry.One of my only friends,and whom I love and miss very much.

I
Insomnia.Ah,insomnia you never let me down.Or LAY down i should say!

J
Jeremiah.My brother.My BLOOD! The only person who truely understands what ive gone through and what im going through because he is going through the same thing too.

K
Karma comes back and hits you in the ass when you least expect it.

L
I've gotta' say Love for this one too.Truely loving someone or truely being loved is the best feeling in the world.I dont care if that sounded cliche,es la verdad!

M
Mistakes.I hate making mistakes,but my problem is that at the time I dont care enough so i end up making them alot.And then get pissed at myself later.XD

N
Nightwish.One of my favorite bands.The old singer for this band is one of the reasons i learned how to sing classical music.

O
Open-mindedness.Dont you just love people who you can talk about anything with,even if its something against what they personally believe? People like that give so much hope for the future of this planet and humanity.Those are the select few of our 'species' that i dont totally despise.

P
Pretty.A personal goal I strive to someday meet even though i know thats not the most important thing ever.

Q
Quotes.I love making quotes when i talk.Its one of the many things people do to make others feel stupid.XD All in good fun...:P Haha.


R
Reflect.Lately for some reason before i go to bed I think about things i wish i would just forget.I have no idea why this has been happening but i wish it would stop.

S
Schizophrenia.This is the illness i hate the most out of any that are currently known.I KNOW there is a cure.And in my lifetime i WILL find it.

T
Thoughts.Sometimes when i am having an episode,i cannot control the number of thoughts that run through my head at one time.Imagine trying to think of a million complicated things in detail at once.

U
"Underline hate". Another phrase i like to use alot.Haha.

V
Vagina.Proud owner of a vagina.:D hahaha.

W
Wonder.I wonder when i will finally get a job,see Henry again, and be happy.

X
X-ray vision.I wish I had this around attractive people.:D

Y
Yo' mama.Haha...I couldnt think of anything.:(

Z
I'll say Zen.This is one of the only ways for me to successfully get through trials and tribulations.Sadly its a pretty hard thing for me to do.:(
  • Current Music
    The Forever Moments - Nightwish
.Fetish.

X♥What The Hell Is Wrong With Me♥X

The house is completely silent.As always,i am the only one home.I hate being by myself so much...

As i am beginning to finally get my shit together,I seem to be losing people right and left.Some out of choice,and some are just slowly fading away from me.I know im not what everyone wants me to be.Or as successful.I know you all are probably tired of my shit,so i dont blame you.But I wish things didnt have to be this way.I miss how things use to be between me and everyone a few years back.Things here at home were completely horrible,but i had friends.I felt loved and I felt needed.Now everything in my life is completely silent and empty.
  • Current Music
    Insanity's Crescendo - Dark Tranquility
.Fetish.

X♥I've Seen Your Face In Pictures With Names,That Never Were Framed♥X

Sigh.I envy those people whose default mood is optimism,productive-ness,sparkly rainbows, and SUNSHINE!(skip the sunshine though,i like being pale.:D)Yeah,i know those fuckers get annoying at times,but hell,they are also getting shit done half the time too,arent they? My default mood is always either depression or "Meh"-ness...WHY GOD DAMNIT,WHY!? I know i will never be super optimistic all the time,but i am still going to try to get shit done.:)

I went to school today,well,yesterday now.Its past 1 AM.For some reason when im suppose to be 'taking this seriously,Crystal' i cant stop laughing.I was filling out some papers at OneStop and i seriously could not stop laughing for the life of me!


-First i was laughing at some 'rules of conduct'.

-Then i was laughing at the fact that everyone was so serious.

-Then i was laughing at the fact that i wrote Bin Laden on the sign in sheet.
-Then i was laughing at nothing.

And i have no idea why the hell that was so hilarious!!!! XD It felt good to laugh though.Im sick of being 'Meh'.The only awkward/weird/get me the hell out of here moment i had was when this super obese guy was staring at me all like O_O for over 10 mins.But besides that,today was pretty okay.I have to go again tomorrow/later today.Wish me luck.I have a hard time concentrating most of the time.>.< Im too busy laughing at peoples faces!Haha.Im kidding....maybe :)...So,I guess we shall see how that turns out.

Ah,Im also getting my lisence in about a week or two! Im almost finished reading that stupid 'Drivers Handbook' book.Psh!Drivers handbook my ass!Hahahaha...




Motivation Meter: Hey hey,im getting shit done arent i? So it doesnt matter right now!:D
  • Current Mood
    groggy Medicated
.Fetish.

X♥GAHHHHHHH!♥X

My sewing machine decided she didnt want to work for me anymore and quit today.Im taking her to the shop on monday.I hope it's fixable.-_______-




!^$@!#$!$^%!@$FUCK!@#$%^!$@!#$!$
  • Current Mood
    irate irate
.Fetish.

X♥Time Through The Rain Has Set Me Free♥X

Apparently the only way for me to get over difficulties is to be completely 'zen' about them.Im not saying if you completely ignore them the problem will go away,but if you are calm and collected,its easier to handle the situation and think of a solution.Atleast it has worked for me.The past few days,ive tried to handle things that would normally make me want to go on a killing spree,in a calm/this-doesnt-phase-me-for-shit mind set.And it has worked.After a while of being in that mind set,i realized I really didnt give a shit.And let it all go.I shouldnt put too much care into things I cant change.I just need to do what I can to get on with life and be happy and try not worry about anything else.:)

On a negative note,it looks like my friend definately will not be joining me in the move to L.A. I feel sorry for her.I really do.Im telling you,she is bondage with that guy![And not the good kind.;)No,definately not.]He acts like an ass,and she forgives him after one nice thing he does.Then he acts like and ass and she forgives him,and then happily runs back again.Ah,and the cycle continues.And it tires me the fuck out! But not anymore.I cant deal with everyones shit on top of my own.I dont have time to babysit people/and or their social problems.I have enough of my own.I have no problem helping friends or giving advice if asked,but if you arent going to listen to anything im saying,why ask in the first place? ¿Sabes? ¿¡Seriamente,que demonios!? >:O

Anyway,im suppose to be 'zen',so i will promptly change the subject here.n_n

Months ago,while at a karaoke bar[Yes karaoke,shut up.XD],I met a girl who turned out to be the manager of Hot Topic at the mall.She told me she'd give me a job if i applied.Yeah,i know,that place is swarming with emo kids and is kinda cliche but hell,its the only place that will let me have piercings and dyed hair around here.It seems like a fair deal to me.Shit,just the fact that im going to be getting money for it makes it fair to me.But anyway,after I applied I kept going back to see if she was hiring yet.Everytime i went she told me to come back later.Eventually i gave up on that place.But the other day i went to the mall and I happened to see her and asked her again and FINALLY she told me that she'd be hiring in 2 weeks from now and for me to come back and she'd 'work something out'.So,that seems pretty promising...And if they let me down,ill just have to set the place on fire.:D If I cant have a job NO ONE WILL! Haha.I guess i'll see how that turns out.Im exited to[hopefully]finally have more than a buck in my pocket![Hahahaha.Aww.That made me sad.Give me a moment.Let me shed a tear for my dignity.:'(]


Motivation Meter: Zen-fully Zen-ified Zen-fullness

(Hahaha.Okay i'll stop it with the zen shit now.XD)
  • Current Music
    Burn In Hell - Dimmu Borgir
.Fetish.

X♥Distant memories haunt me...Like a dead man's song♥X

So...I've got semi-good news and some bad....

First the bad news:

One of my friends who just recently got married is being mistreated.Her husband is a complete dick.I never liked the guy to begin with.I feel so bad for her.I wish i could help,but it really isnt any of my business.I dont know what to do.I try to be here for her if she needs to talk,but talking really doesnt do anything but let out steam.She is doing him a huge favor by doing this for him.Shit,he wouldnt be living here if it werent for her! And this is how he repays her? GAAAHH! I want to kill the son of a bitch.I wish she would just leave him.Why do some one a favor who doesnt appreciate it? She has sacrificed so much,just to help his stupid ass out...God,i saw this shit coming from a mile away.I just wish she would have too and maybe she wouldnt be in this situation.


Now the semi-good news:

Well,if my friend decides to divorce the asshole,we will be moving to L.A within a few months together.She was originally going to law school there in L.A...She'd be there now,if it werent for the cocksucker.But anyway,since i plan to go to school there too it sounds like a great idea.No?...YES! Indeed.n_n

Ah,even if she cant come with me,i hope i can find a way to move the hell outa here soon anyway.I was looking on craigslist to see if I could find a decent place to sleep for a while.Atleast until i start school.No luck.All the ones that were affordable were at some weirdo's house.-___-It seems hopeless,but i dont want to give up.Im tired of giving up.


Crystal's Motivation Meter: Above Normal
  • Current Music
    Shut Up And Bleed - Combichrist ft.Waste
.Fetish.

X♥There Will Be No Rest For The Weary♥X

Dont you just hate it when people have you doing the 'run around'? Im so stressed right now.Time is wasting away,and i am still in the same place I was weeks ago,except now,i have less money.Im not going to give up though.It doesnt take just one try to get anywhere.And im learning that very quickly.I've called the manager of Kmart about 5 times now and she keeps telling me to call back some other time.Maybe she really is busy,but i cant and dont want to wait all year.Me and my friend Michael are going to go in on thursday and talk to her.I feel like im getting on her nerves but oh well.Maybe she will give in once ive harassed her ass enough.

I wish it was easier for people to get jobs here.I wish there were more jobs.I know more than 5 people who have been trying to get out of this city for atleast 2 years now but it has been nearly impossible because of money problems.This city is a bottomless pit.The longer you are here,the longer it takes to get the hell out.Only a few of us have escaped.I know one girl who saved like 400 dollars and moved to NY,and surprisingly she made it.She hasnt had to come back.I think she couch surfed for a while,but now she has her own place.It cant be THAT difficult,could it? But i dont know,i wouldnt want to risk the chance of being stranded or ending up homeless.-____- I guess thats a worry she put aside.

The whole 'me selling clothes online' deal is probably going to be put off for another month or so.I already made a few things but I also still have piles of clothing im fixing for people that ive been stalling on.I need to finish that first before i start on anything else.For some reason i keep reminding myself of that,but i never get around to it.Meh...




Crystal's Motivation Meter: Dangerously Low
  • Current Mood
    disappointed Meh
.Fetish.

X♥Love Is Life.Life Is Love.Love Is Pain.Pain Is Death♥X

So,i might have a job and its not at the most interesting of places.Shit,nothing here is interesting,wtf am i talking about.Its at Kmart...Anyway,a friend who works there talked to the manager and 'pulled some strings' for me.I have to call back and talk to her on tuesday.I get nervous as hell when im being interviewed.I always feel like im going to say something stupid and then i usually do or I go blank! Like when i was being interviewed for the college in L.A. i was fucking nervous! When i answered their questions i was trying to act like i knew what the hell i was talking about by saying shit like "It would give me alot of satisfaction..." and "I have BIG aspirations in life." I bet they were like " Wtf!? We arent interviewing for a porno,you dumb bitch!"Haha.But whatever,they accepted my thankful ass...

So,Im 20 now.Since yesterday.Hoorah? One year added to my misery.haha.Actually,i dont feel too pessimistic today.I feel somewhat calm...And maybe a hint of optimism.
Meeting new people and relating to people through my interests makes me happy.There are a LOT of assholes in this world,but once in a while there are a select few of nice ones.Generally,i hate people, but genuinely nice/acceptant people make me feel the opposite of how i felt in the entry before this.

Im getting so anxious to leave!-_______-Just a few more months and i will be out of here.My sister will be leaving in August and then me sometime in the beginning of next year.I feel bad about leaving my mom alone though.Its only been 2 years since my dad died,but i hope she can find someone so she wont feel lonely.Even if it isnt a romantic relationship...just someone.


Fuck,I miss Henry...
  • Current Music
    Blood Is The Price Of Glory - Ensiferum